A Case for Crappy Games
Amongst my friends, I have kind of (a definite) reputation for liking sub-par games. This doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lining up for the midnight release of Alone in the Dark: Inferno but it does mean that in the dog days of June, July and August, I will most certainly be Gamefly-queuing and Glyde-purchasing the craptastic games of this past year. When I say crap games, I don’t mean the games that are scoring below forty on METACRITIC. I’m talking that sweet song of games that score between fifty and seventy. The games that just don’t make it into the big leagues, because their swing is super wonky.
Here are a few things godawful games have going for them.
THEY’RE INCREDIBLY SHORT
Usually these crap games are movie tie-ins. Most of the time, they’re games no one really wanted in the first place. Every once in a while they’re games that really have no place ever being a game, like that Burger King game where you sneak around like a rapist. One common theme throughout all these different genetic categorizations is that the games are incredibly short. I mean SHORT. And this is honestly what makes them tolerable, and in most cases preferable. I’m not about to get all ‘games are for nerds and I’m no nerd’ but I have a job, and a girlfriend, and debt. Sometimes (read: most of the time) I just want to sit down, start a game, and be done with that game two hours and forty five minutes later. I need to feel that sense of accomplishment, now more than ever, because my job sucks, my girlfriend hates me, and my crushing debt is only a few shoves away from making me kill myself.
THEY’RE REALLY EASY
I loved Demon Souls. Wait, hold on. I typed the wrong thing. I hated Demon Souls. I’ve never been more depressed. I’ve never had less fun. Because the game is too damn hard. I’m good at video games, but there’s a line. And Demon Souls crapped all over it. There’s a certain point, when I just don’t care anymore. And that’s usually around when I want to rip my controller in half. When something makes you that angry you should stop doing it. Crap games aren’t long enough to be terribly hard. By the time you’re through the tutorial, you’re three quarters of the way through the game.
THEY’RE USUALLY CHEAP
If a game is fourteen dollars and ninety nine cents, brand NEW, only a few weeks after it comes out, BUY IT. It’s horrible and it’s cheap. But what do you really need, honestly? Because what I need is to not spend sixty five dollars on a video game. Fifteen dollars is how much I’d spend on a movie. And let’s face it, most movies nowadays are horrible, so a game where I get to shoot things or chop things in half is probably more fun than Jason Statham getting angry or corralling some Asian kid through New York City.
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